i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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