There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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