HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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