Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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