On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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