haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
