come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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