he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
how does that bad decision feel?
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