Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
