you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
