i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
