my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
