Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
