How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
