we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
