And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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