I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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