How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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