i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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