I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
two words: eviction party
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
