ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
