just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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