Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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