y did u give ur computer a hand job?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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