i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
