I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
