Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
