Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
