she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
