New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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