Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize