Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
