omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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