return my video game
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
