I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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