We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I've blown a few things in my day
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
