It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
