I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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