I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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