Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
