OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
