You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
