I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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