I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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