i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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