i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
