this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i will never coherently bang her
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
