he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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