I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
