I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
worst night to have a conscience
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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