I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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